Dear whatever this is,
Time scared me like hell. Can’t help it. By now you might get a hint I’m scared of time, oblivion and all that stuff you might read in one of John Green’s book; another issue to add. Know what is scarier? Missing life because of it.
We all know that stuff about having your own time, the ‘do not rush cause you are not behind’ but not so deeply we are all afraid. Trying to face it but feeling numb around it —Siempre quise usar esa palabra: numb—. Is hard.
‘What if I don’t make it?’ ‘What have I been doing the last decades?’ or ‘Am I even gonna do something important?’ Don’t you dare to lie, we all have been there; most of us still are. Today I’m gonna give a start solution for this —is what I’m trying at the moment—:
- Accept that you are human and therefore it comes with some limitations;
- Give a fuck about them;
- Recognize you’re not almighty, that you are indeed at your own pace and is not late, Spoiler alert! Is easier than one may think: focus on what you have, those little blessings that go unnoticed because we are so used to them that forget some others pray to have them.
- Be grateful and;
- Let the good healthy ambition begins, at this stage, you should know the difference between being conformist and an optimist: you’re not conforming with the roof over your head but being grateful you have it while working for the life you want.
Step 6? Stand up go outside and do something for God’s sake! Staying at home sobbing about how hard life is, won’t make it any easier. If other could why can’t you? Set goals, plans and do work for it. No one will take you by the hand and do it for you —esa vaina ya no se ve ni en libros—.
The reason I’m writing this is that like you I’m scared to do nothing with this life. I get down and my body cries for a timeout under the bedsheet but that ain’t gonna solve anything, or is it? I’m tired of feeling afraid. I’m so freaking tired of sitting with my hand tied up waiting for a wonderful miracle instead of being the miracle myself. And yes, let’s face it, maybe it would be so much better if I knew that or well, accept it —like it or not we all know this truth. We just choose to ignore it— but this is where the epiphany comes to life and all I can do is 1) be a crybaby or 2) get out and do something about it.
Answers, the one hundred per cent kind take its time to come by, don’t get crazy because for someone who’s been late all her life I can assure you that you are incredibly on time. If you want that scholarship, go and work hard; if you’re not gonna put your best in it then leave it and find something else to do.
optimist enough to change it for a better one, to even give some to others! You’re not being conformist with economic status now, you’re grateful to be able to afford food and optimist enough to change the fact of getting by every month to do not worry for the paycheck. Believe it or not, you can want more without being a jerk FYI.
Dear whatever this is, the thing about depression is not how many times it push you down but the times you get back on your feet. And folks, you either use time at your favour or curse at it and be miserable.
Time is your big peekaboo or your best friend. You choose.
I should go now get this in practice, read you next Tuesday. Yes, post are gonna be on time. Hasta pronto.