Funny how I’m not the one who chooses these topics. It might sound a bit weird but I’ve always thought of this as a ghostwriter inside me, the girl who writes and go back and forth to express the words I fail to say. At first, if you meet me in person the last thing you would think is ‘Ah, she’s a writer’. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not a chance; we are so different, her and I —y no, no me estoy volviendo loca. Incluso estoy hablando con ella justo ahora—.
Guess we all have that voice inside saying what’s the right thing to do but as usual, it gets ignored. Mine is always trying its best to make me do things, go here and there. Stay awake, Angel—it would say. Control yourself, you can do it with a bit more of hard work…, wish I just could do more than listen. Yes, we all have it and just a few pay attention.
I still don’t really know what is this all about. Do I hope to help somebody meanwhile? Yes, I hope these struggles find its way to help someone out there and get to be more than thoughts trying to take my air away.
Now —vamoh’ al punto, kind of—, the other day I read that writing down what you wanna do turns it into a kind of contract with yourself catapulting you to do it; I’ve been writing down that contract for a while now and haven’t seen a change yet but that’s on me. Sure you’ve been in it before: the void. That endless circle you desperately want to get out of and even though the exit is indubitably clear you keep missing it. Don’t worry, most of us have been there before.
One day you fell into the void and since then all you’ve done is keep falling, nevertheless there’s a solution, not gonna lie is a hard one called self-control.
This is tricky, I myself am still rereading that exact chapter form Lilly Singh’s book, this whole month has been about it. Maybe you want to lose weight but keep skipping working out or that meal prep you know is gonna help. Or, well, perhaps is a scholarship or start a new business but the laziness bug is nagging you and all you are doing is allowing it.
Jesus…, how can one achieve self-control and don’t die in the middle of it? Again, All I wish is to give you a magical solution; will use it for me as well. But I can’t fool you as much as I decided not to fool myself, no more. There’s not a great magic solution for anything, truth to be told. Even magic comes with a price. Self-control is difficult but never impossible, you must put effort, and work every day, if you really want to make that dream come true then you’ll work for it or then just sit and watch others get it. This is a journal, a kind of blog but set apart from the rest of the blogs out there —got anything against, most of them are really helpful— that promises easy ways out. Is not really life’s scheme.
The other day I friend was playing this “Send me your initials and I’m gonna write what I think of you on my Whatsapp status stuff” and the one thing he said is exactly the one problem I’m trying hard to fix: procrastination. It is indeed the first why that’s forcing you to dwell in the void. I’m talking about you Fatha, in case you get to read this.
Is time to get out of the bloody void that is suffocating you, and keeping you tied. Show to it how capable you are because after all, you are the only one who can solve this. Dear folks, open your eyes and 1) believe you can do it so 2) you’ll be able to.
Do write it down. Create a routine you can easily follow. If tutorials don’t work for you either then make your own, they were made for people who wanted to find their own solutions so why shouldn’t you? Everybody is trapped in a personal void, therefore, is your job to fight a way out and stop playing solving someone else’s life. Yeah, you can help even if you’re broken but it gets easier when you first stop and solve yours.
Here’s a piece of magic —yeah, me contradigo seguido but is for a good reason—, focus on climbing, there will be plenty of time for the rest. Picture it as personal demons if you want in a poetic way, either way, is a task for you to make and is not gonna fade so better start now.
Really not sure how many people read this —and thanks to the friends who does—, but if you too are struggling I just wanna say you’re not alone. We are all fucked up —not gonna say sorry dear internet, you got worse things than me cursing— in our own way.
The secret here is to take the decision and bloody do it, work for it as hard as you can. God knows we all do. I firmly believe mind has its powers but is only mighty if one decides to actually do something with it. A million people can believe in you but if you don’t well, it won’t make a difference. I do know is terrifying, fighting the void, what a crazy folk and maybe I am crazy but one that does not want to let the world and the circumstances limited her, a crazy person with an alien complex who got tired of empty promises, the majority of them with herself. A crazy who wants to stop worrying about how long it’s been since the fall began and instead get back on track and fight. If this insane girl can, why can’t you?
It might seem like the end of the world now but whenever life plays to earthquake you that is when things look brighter because the end of a world just means the beginning of a better one.
Read you next week, folks. And if you too are in the middle of your void turn on a light, put your favourite playlist, stop and start the climb. Know you’re not alone in this. If a mess by itself can get fix, imagine what a bunch f people’s mess can do? That’d be a really cool apocalypse. A weird support group I’d definitely sign up. What I try to say is, this is not just a writing therapy I randomly started —wait, so this is what it is!—, feel free to inbox and talk whatever it is tormenting you, this is a safe place.
So if you excuse me, I’ll go do some cardio. A girl needs goals to achieve.
Have a happy week.