Day 5: The what if curse

Day 5: The what if curse

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I think when someone realises they have a certain phobia, the first thing that pops in mind is ‘What if it happens in public?’ ‘How am I gonna control it?’ At least it was what I first thought.

Months ago, maybe already a year, a good friend sent something to me and it made my nerves go crazy. Mom and I thought it was due to the stressful days I had that time but somehow the sensation of instability persisted and it wasn’t until not long ago another good friend told what was going on and that she has it too. Turned out that I got a phobia myself —como si ya no fuese suficiente con todo lo que sucede. (no olviden que esto es bilingüe, folks)—. The other night it happened again and the first thing that came to my mind after I was calmed down was ‘what am I gonna do if this happens in front of people? I can’t even explain it to my mother.’

How am I gonna control that irrational fear I can’t even explain myself? It was worse than having an asthma episode, at least with those  I know why am I scared and how to control it. This? This is frustrating because besides the panic attack that comes with it I also feel hopeless for not even being able to do something but now I wonder, aren’t we all afraid of something?

What if I don’t make it until the final stage? What if I don’t get to pay the bills or the medical treatment doesn’t work? We are constantly chased by the if effect, submerge into the fear of probability and so used to it we barely recognize it as the problem it actually is. And folks, it is a big problem, being afraid of life itself is not a settled deal, you’re not supposed to accept it just as I’m not supposed to panic about falling into panic —eso de paniquearse ya es un talento que he cultivado pero, no siempre es divertido—. Probabilities are always gonna be there but that’s just what they are: assumptions for you to choose not to go overwhelmed about the matter.

You can choose to play with Mario or Luigi but yet, if you’re good enough, even with the control player number two, you are going to beat the sh*t out of Koopa and rescue the princess, and yes it does not matter what player you choose because it’s all due to you and your bloody effort. With this I’m in no way possible telling you even though you stay at home procrastinating you’ll achieve your dreams, no way Jose —vainas así ni en las películas de Disney sucede—, What I’m trying to say is try to choose wisely but do not get caught in that process, there’s a life waiting for you and allow me to tell you that that lady is not very patient.

 

Here in my country people always says ‘As Jesus said: help yourself so I can help you’ —”ayudate que yo te ayudaré” en inglés me suena rarito— aka miracles don’t manifest by themselves and whoever told you otherwise is a big fat liar. Stop and strive to make the best very choice but don’t get crazy in the middle of it. The if effect is just a fictional problem root to the option God has given you to take whatever the path you want, it will affect the journey but help you get there anyway; you might stop and reach  a part of your life or go all the way down and kill the game is up to you in the end.

 

I’m not proud of saying I do too get trap in to the If curse, I overthink too much, I take care of every word —even though my mouth go with whatever the f* she wants— I might say because I know if it makes you frown I’ll go crazy the next five days thinking of what a horrible harm I did to you while you’ll probably won’t even remember it. That, mate, is a side effect of ‘what if’ and is a living hell. Yeah, I still worry about having this panic attacks in public but exhausting myself for killing the Koopa or letting him kill me instead will evaporated the little possibility I might have to win and save the princess —que por cierto, tenemos que charlar Princesa, no puedes depender todo el tiempo de que un par de mecánicos adorables te salven; las damiselas en apuros pasaron de moda—.

 

Saying just to not overthink is an awful advice but I do can tell to try your best, the most important step of overcoming a problem is to acknowledge —damn I did write that word without checking, mis respetos al’ favol’— but its nature. The other big step is to actually do something about it. I know I won’t get over that phobia any time soon but what I can do is not to worry about the future time when it comes or not, that will just lead to an eternal.

 

That’s the task for this week: don’t get stuck into the if effect and just go for it. Choose wisely but don’t the doubt stop you.

Aloha there! The name is Angel and the where is the beautiful Caribbean. Another girl in this world dreaming to be an author, can't help it but is just that I truly believe a good story can reach hearts and make a strong statement. Still a college student, trying to making a way through Social Communication and writing. Superhero lover and a big fan of tea and fries mixed with ice cream because why not. Here you I'll be posting my journey through Screenwriting and daily struggles, hopefully, it can help you too; I hope it does.

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