Let’s talk about timing.
Dear, whatever this is,
I just wrote two thousand forty four word before 9:10 a.m., and yes I’m thrilled. As the statement in day one, a big part of what I am and want to be is writing and getting back to it fill my heart with a weird warmness sensation that I’ve been missing.
Now that I’m done bragging about those two thousand forty four words let’s talk about funny things, like how I don’t know myself yet, even after 24 years. See how I wrote two thousand forty four but got too lazy to write 24? Anyway, have you seen or read A Series of Unfortunate Events? Don’t worry, today this is a free spoiler zone. Everytime Violet Baudelaire is about to create a new invention she ties her hair up is kind of ‘hold my beer’ situation. I myself don’t like beer so much and ‘hold my wine’ sound a bit off, I really don’t know it, maybe was a thing developed by time but if I’m going on serious mode gotta tie my hair up too just like now. Shall we?
You (us) were blessed with an infinity set of opportunities to redesign yourself yet here we are forgetting how great living by Hakuna Matata is. Barely knowing the person who stares back in the mirror. Recently I started reading this book called “How to be a Bawse” by Lilly Singh aka iiSuperwomanii aka a badass role model. Funny, I’ve only had one role model in my life: my mom. For incredible reasons mom has been my superhero —ma lady is an awesome human—,, but this 30 years old hustler has proved herself worth the admiration; won’t deny it, I kind of feel like can relate to part of her story —put aside the millions subscriber and that explosive personality— for reasons I’m not ready to share. Some secrets must stay hidden by now.
The book! —¡focus!— is… Weird in a good way. Right now it had me doing an exercise that goes about how much I know the layers that compound me and turns out is harder than I thought —maybe I’m wrong or is it that my english sucks more than I imagined, but in Spanish we no say the word “I” that much so while writing or speaking english I feel so narcissist—. Looks like I don’t know who the person that is writing is. Sure know I like the colour blue, in case you haven’t told by the blueish in my hair, that I like Harry Styles more for his dimples and voice than his deadly smile and body and a bunch stuff that quite often I’m not that sure to love. If getting lost on thoughts is easy won’t even mention every time I got lost in myself. Where do I pretend to get if I don’t whose dreams I’m trying to achieve?
(Now that I’m all inspired and unnecessarily emotional thanks to One Direction’s old music videos. Let’s go to the point)
Is so frustrating to know where you wanna get but not having the fainted idea how to get there —great Angel, now you’re crying. I feel so stupid—. We got to see these successful people with a background not so different from us and yet they are so out of reach, the dream seems so impossible and you end up wondering if by chance there’s a secret formula or you were just not lucky enough to be born in the UK, USA or Canada. And let me tell you that just the slightest brush of not meeting the goal is terrifying. Is a fear that haunts me every single time.
But, I’m determined to give it a try even though I feel being almost 24 makes it too late when One Direction took the hit while being between sixteen and seventeen, Lilly Singh started her channel at twenty one and The Jonas Brothers were barely twelve, fifteen and seventeen —wait, I’ve had a crush on Nick Jonas since I was ten? Jesus! THAT’S CONSISTENCY RIGHT THERE!—. Even if being a low class is the problem, I need to find a way because still if fairy dust can’t fix it, doesn’t mean is impossible, right? In How to be a Bawse —this is not an ad— Lilly says how to discover the real reason of our behaviour can help to be in control, but girl there are layers I didn’t even know I have. Though I’m gonna take the task because if there’s something more terrifying than not making my dreams come true and eat tacos with Nick Jonas and/or Harry Styles someday, is waking up not knowing who the hell I am. Maybe that’s why I don’t want a relationship now —besides sucking at it— or why I’m getting nowhere.
I’m not fond for self-help books —is it called like that in english? Please correct me if I’m wrong— but I’m sure gonna keep reading this one while figuring out a way to fix this cutie mess. Not all evil are necessary.
So dear whatever this is, I’ll make a promise right now between you, me and the cero readers here: by the end of the year I’ll have my business sort out and the path clear. I’m gonna make it work or as that 30 Seconds to Mars says “die”
Well maybe no to that verge, a gorgeous Caribbean goddess like me must be around. But —might be needing a dictionary of synonyms, too much buts— I wanna make another deal with myself, show me I can really do better and take this week starting today —I’m a truly believe you can begin at any time on any given moment— to find out who I am and what I really want and put myself on it and see what I found out by this time next saturday. Don’t wanna sound like your mom but I encourage you to do the same and beat the shit out of whatever is holding you
How about you? Do you know who you are and where your ship is sailing to? Is this the purpose of being twenty-something for us the mortals who haven’t found our hit? Hope you’re having a nice puberty 2.0, mate. If not, there’s still hope, wanna believe there is.
When everything else seems to fail just stop, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Don’t let the world tell you what you should be.
If you excuse me, I’ll go watch a new episode of Nanatsu No Taizai while I wind off my mind on this.