That Hulk inside.
My mom has always said “don’t let emotions rule you” aka be the smarter person in the room and she’s right but I got this temper that just can’t be contained into these five feet of a Hobbit size I am. I can’t keep my mouth shut when my brain and heart agree on something is not fair and sometimes that’s good and others…, well is a kind of a problem because you reach the point to just explode. I explode. Is like having Hulk inside of you, trying to be at peace but then one moment, just a second is all that matter to spread my rage and that’s so wrong. We need feelings but it doesn’t mean it has to control us and that, mate, is a lesson I’ve been dealing with for a quite long now.
FYI hate not being able to pull my phone out the pocket, yesterday I wrote some awesome thoughts but kind of forgot them —not so much since the reminisce are still somewhere in my memory— but since I don’t wanna lose my hand or life due the great social security system of my beloved country, must limit to what is coming out of my mind and yes also the heart.
Now, emotions, that tornado inside waiting to get out and destroy everything and everyone. Is a complicated business. Being the smarter person in the room means don’t get down others levels, not saying you’re above but let’s face it, there are some assholes —sorry, some words need to be used— out there who makes the whole Hakuna Matata a freaking crusade but what we can do best is take a step back and see you later alligator. Won’t tell is easy, what in life is? Nevertheless is must work on every day. And oh my God, how hard it has been over the years, can truly know how Banner feels about turning into the green one and why he tries so hard to avoid it.
As said, I got a bad temper myself. Denying is useless. Because of it, I’ve hurt some people on the way for sure; ironic is not just having a bad temper but being empathic at the same time because while you explode also get hurt of the fearing of hurting someone else. Again, feel ya, Bruce. Is suffering double. Karma some may call it.
Thinking about, maybe that’s why I started listening to classical music at a young age: the urge of looking for peace, of being calm. Don’t take me wrong is not that I have anger problems, not at all. Is more like being scared of saying something mean and hurt someone else’s feelings after all words never fade away and neither the scar they left. A couple of semesters back, we had to make a presentation in the group, ONE GROUP CONFORM BY THE WHOLE CLASS. By the end of the presentation on the last day, the guys were like “Angie —told you I got many names. Wait, what if I am a faceless girl?—, you made a good job, made sure the job was done and sometimes even though she was angry she would scold us in a weird sweet way” Alright, not the exact words but something the all told was how I got angry in a sweet way. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE. But it does and somehow is a ten per cent of controlling your emotions, not the other way around.
Between us, I just cried and complain when they couldn’t see. Let all those feelings out where they couldn’t hurt nobody. That time worked, some others may not. The tricky part is finding what better works for you and always trying to be the smarter person in the room. Learn to control your emotions and mate, you, we will learn the freaking secret of life…, or so.
My mom repeated two days ago when I got mad with the guy from the bodega —colmado? don’t know what you have in English for that word. Sorry—, and she’s right about. And I need to keep working on it, either way, things won’t change at all.
You might hear the same advice over and over and over but it will only dig on you —is that a real idiom?— when you allow it to.
I wonder why this is in English since I’m not an English speaker but when it happened the first day was done and didn’t feel like translating. Guess it will all be in English. Sorry.
GROCERY STORE!!! That’s how you say Colmado in English xD